A Chronicle

This may seem completely obvious to everyone else, but it has only just become clear to me.  This blog has chronicled my experience becoming and being a mother, through IVF, the gift of twins, and the horror of child loss. It started as a way for me to get rid of all the pent-up residual…

Whatever You Can.

I now realize that when I started this blog, I needed to purge.  I had years and years of pent up anxiety and fear and anger and jealousy and confusion and frustration and pain.  I needed an outlet.  I needed a way to get it out of my brain.  Anyone who has dealt with a…

Everything is going to be fine.

From the moment we found out we were having twins my husband was worried about me.  Both of us had lingering fear and doubt from all the bad news that comes with infertility, but even after that passed and we knew we were pregnant for real, he was scared.  He worried about me.  Having a…

Peace and Calm

I never thought I would be someone who would think this, but meditation is amazing.  I always had the opinion that it was new age hippy dippy nonsense.  I was a pretty firm believer in this opinion.  Then my panic attacks started.  As a result of years and years of the anxiety and stress that comes…

You can take it.

What do you do with infertility?  Do you deal with it?  Do you treat it? Do you attempt to solve it?  What are the right words?  When discussing what my husband and I went through for seven years, it is really hard to articulate just how it all feels.  A year of IUIs and whole lot of…

That fricken hurts!

When I was told that in order for me and my husband to have a child we would have to try In Vitro Fertilization (IVF), I had no idea what that meant.  I thought I did, but I had no idea.  In my naive mind, IVF was expensive, but relatively painless.  Emotional, or course, but…

Hold on to each other.

My husband and I have the sort of marriage that makes other people sick.  We are truly happy and so in love.  Every day we are thankful for each other.  And I mean every day.  Even I am surprised sometimes at how well our relationship works.  In all the years we have been together, we…