An Unexpected Moment

This afternoon, after nap time, Elbow was having a hearty snack.   Cheese and crackers, blueberries and cherries, and a few olives, or as she says it “Ahvuz.”  As she was eating, I noticed a mourning dove walking around the deck outside the slider in our kitchen.  Elbow loves to see the birdies, so I…

No Need to Explain

My survival toolbox, the different people in my life who have offered me support, shared their love, concern, and memories with me, allowed me to cry, cried with me, let me know they are thinking of me, asked me how I am doing really wanting to know the truth have all played a part in helping…

The Whys

One day I woke up to get ready for work.  By the end of that day, my 14-month-old daughter had been to the ER after bumping her head, was admitted to the PICU for hydrocephalus, and had been diagnosed with a brain tumor.  That was one day.  Twenty-one days later she was gone.  I know…

Easy to Forget

As I have mentioned before, I have no memory.  From the moment my daughter died, up to and including this moment, my short term memory is shit.  PTSD.  I will forget twice in the same day what day it is.  I forget …  I forget … I forget everything, except the loss of my daughter.…

Like an Ocean

I cannot explain enough how I much I didn’t understand about grief until I lost my daughter.  I thought I understood it.  I knew the definition.  I could use the word in a sentence.  I could spell it correctly and identify the part of speech.  Before she died, grief was the sound of Charlie Brown’s…

Don’t Ask Me Why

I’m a birder.  A complete novice amateur, but I am birding, so therefore I am a birder.  Apparently it is not called bird watching.  It is called birding, like fishing or hunting, but nicer.  To be a birder, you basically need just a few things: functioning eyeballs, binoculars, a book or other resource to aid…