That’s Not Me

images (9)Not too long ago, a very good friend reminded me of the song Thank U by Alanis Morrisette.  Since I was lightyears away from gratitude, I was almost irritated at the thought of the song.  I can’t be thankful.  My daughter is gone.  The same friend later reminded me of another, much angrier and more frustated tune by the same artist, and I agreed that it better matched my temperment, especially the following portion of the song:

And all I really want is some patience
A way to calm the angry voice
And all I really want is deliverance, ah

Do I wear you out?
You must wonder why I’m relentless and all strung out
I’m consumed by the chill of solitary
I’m like Estella
I like to reel it in and then spit it out
I’m frustrated by your apathy

That was me.  Angry, scared, fragile, tortured, and suffering.  Every day.  It was such a painful way to live.  I had no hope.  I had no path out of my darkness.  Then, as I have recently explained, something happened, but nothing happened.  I’m not in the darkness anymore.  Now, that’s not me.  I am not angry.  I am not suffering.  I am not tortured.  The love I feel is stronger than anything else.  Now, this song speaks to me.  I can feel gratitude.  Thank you to my dear friend for reminding me.





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