The Best I Can

2015-08-16-1439745600-9256217-doomedtostrugglepicEvery second of every day I live with the death of my baby girl.  That will never change.  That will never go away.  That will never get easier.  I am a grieving mother.  For the rest of my life, each day I have to learn how to live without my daughter.  This is the hardest thing I will ever do and it will take the rest of my life to do it.  I am doing the best I can every single day.

Everyone is concerned and worried about us.  They should be.  We are attempting to survive in a world that is crushing us.  I am worried too and I am doing the best that I can.

All day every day, my head is spinning with anger, sadness, fear, anxiety, and pain.  All 31_loveloss-1080x760-1080x760day every day, I navigate my way through that storm in my head, just long enough to be able to function at an acceptable level for a human.  It takes everything I have.  And I am doing the best that I can.

Distraction.  Hold it together.  Break down.  Distraction.  Hold it together.  Break down.  And so on.

 

In this super-fucked-up reality that I have been forced to live in, advice and suggestions very often are not what I need.  I am doing the best that I can.  That’s all I can do.  If you don’t agree with, understand, or simply worry about what I am doing, I don’t care.  You don’t have to do what I am doing or think what I think.  All you have to do is understand that I am doing the best that I can.   And I’m not sorry.  My father has told me repeatedly throughout my life, “Do your best.  If that isn’t good enough, fuck ’em.”  So there you go.  I am hoping that for most of you, my best is good enough.

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