Parenthood is a full time job. It takes every moment you’ve got. Even when my girls are sleeping, or not with me I am still a parent. I still have parent stuff to think about, and I still have parent stuff to do. It does not stop. It can be overwhelming, but I love my girls so much, I would do anything for them. That’s the job I signed up for. That’s the job I am happy to do.
Me time though, is great when it happens. It does not happen often, but when it does, I soak it up. It is usually brief and unexpected, but always cherished. Any mother who will admit it, would agree with me. Every parent needs a parent recess now and then.
Today, the really unexpected happened for the first time. My parents took the girls for the afternoon and my husband and I had the house to ourselves for an extended period of time. At first, it felt strange. For a moment, we both found ourselves behaving as they do when it is nap time, not intentionally, but noticeably quiet. Then we both looked at each other. No babies? Not only did I have me time, my husband and I had some us time! Neither one of us was sure what to do at first. Do we spend the time we have checking things off the to-do list, completing chores that have been pushed aside for weeks, maybe months? Do we catch up the shopping? Do we take care of house business like bills and budgets? Well, after about 20 minutes or so, it was clear what we both wanted to do first. Nothing. And it was nice. I sat on the couch, poured a glass of wine, and just relaxed. My husband and I just talked. We laughed. We zoned out. Nice.
Then I realized, we have the house to ourselves. What about sex? As I have mentioned before, my husband and I have a great relationship. We have been together for 14 years, and each year has been great. I am being completely honest. So, when the sex declined dramatically during pregnancy it drove me crazy. We had reasons for the decline, but that didn’t mean either of us was happy about it. Then the girls were born and our time obviously was drawn to those two little sweethearts. First we were both too tired to think about sex. Then we were too tired to do it. Lately, we have just been so busy and scheduled and following routines, that it just doesn’t happen often. Occasionally, we will look at each other when the girls are both taking an extra long nap, or when they both go to sleep extra early, and that flash of “we should do it” is in both of our eyes. But today, no chores, no baby monitors, no worries about time, just sex. Just me and him together. It was perfect and long overdue.
Like many married mothers I am sure, this us time has made me realize how me and my husband should make more time for each other. We need to make sure we keep our closeness. We need to nurture it like we do anything else we care about. We both know that we should, but who in this world knows how?