Stop It!

Since we lost our daughter, I have had a knot in my stomach.  It’s always there.  Sometimes it tightens up.  Sometimes it relaxes a bit.  Sometimes it makes me feel like I am going to barf.   Sometimes I know why it tightens or makes me sick, sometimes I don’t.  But I always know it is there.…

A Chronicle

This may seem completely obvious to everyone else, but it has only just become clear to me.  This blog has chronicled my experience becoming and being a mother, through IVF, the gift of twins, and the horror of child loss. It started as a way for me to get rid of all the pent-up residual…

That’s Not Me

Not too long ago, a very good friend reminded me of the song Thank U by Alanis Morrisette.  Since I was lightyears away from gratitude, I was almost irritated at the thought of the song.  I can’t be thankful.  My daughter is gone.  The same friend later reminded me of another, much angrier and more…

An Opening for Love

In the months that followed my daughter’s death, I was blind and deaf to everything but my pain.  My body functioned and I survived each day one breath at a time.  I could not imagine how I would be able to live the rest of my life carrying this pain, living in a world withouth…

Something Happened

My girls were born on a Sunday evening in mid-September 2015.  That moment changed the world.  I was given the gift of Beauty and Magic.  I held them in my arms.  I felt them with my heart.  Those two sweet baby girls, my Bug and Elbow, brought this gift to me and I carried Beauty and…